...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
