Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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