Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
