The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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