One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
40s are totally the cure
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
