Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
