I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
