i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
