just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
