I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
