and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
