respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize