if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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