Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize