honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
