no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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