Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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