there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
