You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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