she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
