so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
