how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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