I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
