you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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