weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
