Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
