Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
