I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
