The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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