Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
