your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
