that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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