I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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