Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
