so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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