So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
