You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
