mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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