No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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