Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Pooping to opera.
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