bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
