so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
