I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We have started to decorate penises.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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