I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
