its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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