I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
