A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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