I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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