it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
