i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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