Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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