Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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