Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
