I puked a lego.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
