You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
