just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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