i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
