You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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