Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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