Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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