the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
