I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize