too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
