Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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