Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
