When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
