if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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