We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
