So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
