a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
