Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
