why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
