I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
