I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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